Dealing with compliments

Construction in the neighborhood has finished, and the new houses are filling up with new neighbors. I spent a pleasant evening chatting with one of them, with one minor quibble. She praised me to the skies: really, over the top, fulsome, praise.  I thanked her, but was incredibly embarrassed and uncomfortable about it. This woman had known me for all of an hour.  I like her, she's very sweet, but all I could think of is there some way to get her to stop?

Praise at work I can deal with. Work praise is specific and to the point. "You did a good job getting the tender together in such a short span of time." "We put the right person on the project." I'm not embarrassed by it. It is gratifying because I feel I've earned it.

"I can live for two months on a good compliment"

                                                  - Mark Twain

But praise for things I have no control over, particularly if I don't agree, tends to bother me. I had an argument with a boyfriend because he said I was beautiful, and I responded with "thank you." Apparently, that was the wrong answer, because he shot back with "Don't thank me." but what was I supposed to say? 

I was always taught to smile and say thank you when someone complimented me. Is there something else I should be doing?

I'm not saying that people shouldn't praise each other, we should probably do it more, but responding to compliments graciously is difficult, and I'll take any pointers that people want to share.

Marking time at the office

I have no idea why I'm at work today. Nothing productive is happening. Everyone is passing around Christmas cookies and emailing each other YouTube videos.

I need more vacation time.

Friday Fun Video
Since everyone's probably a little tired of Christmas carols by now, I offer a bracing shot of the Muppets. This clip features Rita Moreno, the only guest star to get the best of Animal.

In Defense of Luxury



Penfold's Block 42

I was poking around the internets the other day and found a story about a very expensive, special release bottle of vintage wine.

What Do You Eat With a 168,000 Bottle of Wine? 

Of course, for that kind of money, you don't just get wine. There's a specially-commissioned bottle with precious metal detailing and that comes in a custom, handcrafted cabinet. Even empty, it's a pricey object. 

Normally, I'd see a story like this, think "Gee, the crazy stuff people will spend money on", and keep going; but my eye passed over the comments section. I avoid the comments section, as all the bile and vitriol of the world seems concentrated there. But this time I saw it, and in particular, I saw comments saying that people should not be spending money on luxuries, not when there are starving people in the world.

On the surface this seems like a compelling argument. No one needs a $168,000 bottle of wine, and the poor do need help. But if you've ever bought a pack of gum, then you've wasted money on a needless luxury that could have been used to help the poor. Any money spent on extras could be used to help the needy. The real offense here is the scale of the spending. Few people will guilt you over a chocolate bar, but buy a Lamborghini and the moral accountants appear to judge your actions. However:

• Just because someone spends a lot of money on wine (or cars, or clothes, or whatever), doesn't mean that they don't spend money on charity.
• Not buying hyper-expensive wine doesn't mean that the money will be spent on starving children. Maybe they'll buy diamonds, a wrought-iron dog run, or just leave it in the bank.  At least if they buy the wine, the money goes into circulation and keeps the luxury goods makers off the dole.

While I don't want to spend the price of a house on a single bottle of wine, I'm glad there's a market for it. I am in favor of luxury items. Can you imagine a world without luxury items? A life where you only get what you absolutely need and nothing more. It would be so dull and sad. Think of all the things that would be gone:

needless luxuries, all of them

toys, cake, nail polish, colored fabrics, cut glass, jewelry, perfume, art, cut flowers, lawns, theater, ornamental gardens, sports cars, fountains, candy, carpets, music, pillows, movies, upholstered furniture, alcohol, the list goes on and on.

And while I will never be among the super wealthy, I appreciate what money and vision can do. It is money and vision that produced the Eiffel Tower, glass windows, mirrors (the making of which led to the invention of telescopes and microscopes) bathrooms with hot and cold running water, the flush toilet (I am really grateful for that one), Oxford, ornamental gardens, palaces like the Hermitage and Versailles which make up the cultural heritage of the world - luxury items, each and every one, and aren't they grand?

Friday Feel Good Video

Something completely frivolous. Have a luxurious weekend.